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Apr. 22nd, 2014 | 01:56 am

So, I thought I knew a lot of things, But thinking you know things doesn't mean you know them. So to think you know something, means you really know nothing at all. All you know is what you think you know.

Ya know?

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Jun. 20th, 2012 | 11:01 am

It's funny how things change.

Change truly is inevitable.

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Jun. 19th, 2012 | 05:29 pm

So, about that update...better late then never, right? Let me just start. I have no need to go about every detail of my life since that last time I updated...oh livejournal how I've missed you. I am sitting on bed on a tuesday afternoon, at around 5 PM..actually it's exactly 5 PM lol, and im getting up to date with my podcasts >.< So much joy right now!! I wish I could feel like this more often. I feel at such ease, but most of the time I'm antsy as fuck. Always have to be doing something, going somewhere meeting up with someone. I'm incapable of being alone. Which makes me so sad. I'm honestly debating going to Starbucks and sitting there when my sister gets home because I really can't stand her, and just plugging my headphones in and listening to my music and writing there. But then there's the chance of seeing someone I don't want to see. Yay small town living. Not even small town, somehow everyone is connected it's fucking depressing. Everyone knows everyone, it's just a matter of time before we make the connections that link us all together. My life's been pretty good since my last phase of writing - oh great there's my sis kill me now, oh no my mom. That's cool. - Have a boyfriend, which sadly isn't as great as it's cracked up to be. We do have our fun though which is nice, he talks about how he "would marry me" in the future and "would move into an apartment with me" in the future, but I really don't believe any of it. I've come to realize that there's some people that say things they don't mean when they're angry, and there's also people that say things they don't mean when they're happy. Thats' what he is. My sister said to me that I deserve the best, and that he obviously is trying his best, but maybe what his definition and my definition of "the best" isn't the same and that is where our conflicts arise. I'm constantly thinking of him, not in the way where I sit staring at the sky daydreaming, but in the way where If I see something that he needs in the store I'll go get it for him. I want the best for him, and not just him but any man I were to get romantical with, I'd want the very best for them because that's the kind of girl I am. I feel that our relationship is truly based on a kiddish love. If I have fallen in love with him, which I don't think I have, then I am truly in for a big disappointment. He will never be the man I want him to be, that charming gentleman that just makes you feel like a princess. Who opens doors, and will buy you a sweater when you say you want it. Not all the time, but just enough so that he shows you he cares. Who will call you and tell you that he is taking you out tonight so be ready. Not call you and ask you if you want to go out...I know me, I know myself and sooner or later I'm going to want more, want a man who will be able to support me in the future, in my future. Someone who can cook me dinner, and sometimes make my decisions for me. I like that, I'm so indecisive that someone helping me point the right way is what I need in a life long partner. It makes me sad to write this, and know it's true. But I think that because I am able to come to terms with this, it'll help me a lot.

I've really taken away from myself since the beginning of this relationship. I stopped going out with my friends, drinking, partying, yes I've saved a lot of money but I've lost the chance to make memories as well. It's summer, it's time for me to have fun...to go out and enjoy the weather. I didn't mind staying in so much in the winter, but now that it's summer I wanna go out at night. Not even to a club but just to the park, to the lake, sit by the water, grab a coffee...It doesn't cost anything to enjoy someone's company.

Enough about stupid boys, there are other things going on in my life I swear. So I've decided that I want to go to Ryerson for Environmental and Urban stability. I'm currently upgrading my marks and hopefully finish by August 10th...if not I'm just going to take another year off and go to school in Sept. 2013 which isn't that bad of a thing. I'll only be 22 which means i'll be 26 or so when I get out of school and hopefully living on my own and doing my own thing.

I'm kind of just ready to start my life. I need to gain some serious independence and learn to be happy alone before I can be happy with anyone else.

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Mar. 7th, 2012 | 10:11 pm

Soooo hungry. I'm going to eat soon I swear. And I want hot chocolate. Im so mad Starbucks discontinued their signature hot chocolate it's truly what I lived for. Not cool. Ok Food. Update on life tomorrow!


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Hello Old Friend

Mar. 6th, 2012 | 04:40 pm

Haven't posted in forever. Such a shame. I feel so bad. I love you livejournal, you've always been here for me. What's great about now is that 5 years ago EVERYONE used LJ and the point of LJ was lost and forgotten. Now no one use LJ and I truly feel I can write whatever I want and not have to worry about it spilling out and people getting offended or hurt when it had nothing to do with them in the first place. Anywho, I'll be back tonight.

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(no subject)

Mar. 14th, 2011 | 06:27 pm

The post directly below this one is from about a month ago.

It's hilarious, ridiculous, pathetic and amazing how much things have changed since then.

How I knew they would, and how ridiculous that I was right since the very first day. It makes me sick that he proved me right, that I knew what was going to happen, and it makes me even sicker that it happened exactly how I said it would.

You really fucked up my friend. You really really did, and I fucked up for even thinking you had changed and would be different this time.

You really do live and you learn.

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Feb. 12th, 2011 | 12:57 pm

Had the must retarded dream last night...Idk what my sub-concious is doing to me. But honestly I woke up in such a panic and was just so distraught...and i turned over in bed and just curled up into his arms and everything just went away.

And then I come back to the place where the demons of January are haunting me at the back of my mind and the constant reminder of pub night lingers in my thoughts.

Fuck my life.

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First love, really never dies.

Dec. 9th, 2010 | 01:20 pm

Love like a rose
Like a candle in the wind
Let our love grow
Don't turn away

I could be your lucky star

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Lazy Day

Dec. 6th, 2010 | 06:17 pm

So, basically spent the day in bed today. I think I might take the dogs for a walk cause it did snow today and I love walking them in the winter...But it's super cold out and my right ear is still retarded and I can't hear anything out of it, so that might not be such a good idea...

Been watching "Modern Family" all day. I love this show. So so so much. Omg. Also been listening to 'Not In love by Crystal Castles". Suuuuuch a crazy tune. My hair looks like shit, I;m thinking about straightening it or something just so its not so goddamn nasty. But Idk...We'll see.

MADE UP WITH MY MAMAAMAAAAAAAAAA. Honestly I've never felt as happy as I feel when I make up with my Mom. She is my heart and soul. That woman brings such joy to my life, it honestly makes it worth all the other bullshit.


Ohhhh I'm so happy right now.

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Oct. 19th, 2010 | 08:28 pm

I'm gonna go cuddle in my bed and read a book. This is sad because I haven't done it in so long it's sad really.

I'm excited to start reading.


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